Laughing gas - but I'm not laughing...

A few days ago, I was playing with my children up at Putlake Farm, in the softplay area. We were playing "It".

As you do.

Suddenly, as I was crawling about, I felt a big twinge and spasm in my lower back.

"errr...hahaha..ermmm, kids...I'm going down to the bottom, er, um...nowOooooWWwww!"

As I looked around me, feeling the muscles clamp tight around my spine, I tried not to panic. I thought. How the bloody hell was I going to get down - I was on the 2nd level? I looked at the wavy slide. No. No. I can't do that. I looked at the padded steps. No. No. I can't do that. I looked at the wiggly tube that would take me down a level. Nope. Oh God. I'm stuck! I'm stuck here! My kids were happily continuing the game and had run off. I decided that the padded steps was the only way to do it, so I edged towards them, then slid down on my stomach until I got to the bottom, and was able to stand upright.

"Arrggghhhhhh!!!"

"Oh dear!" I said. I inwardly congratulated myself for not swearing in front of all the sweet little children. "I um...appear to have hurt myself. A bit. Um...ooohh, this hurts!" A mum heard me and helped me to put my shoes on and tie my laces.

This was all painfully familiar: I have these episodes where my back just completely seizes up and I can't walk or move properly for several days, the spine twists so that my belly button looks as though it's straining to see what's happening behind me, and my hips go in two different directions. My posture resembles that of a bendy straw. It all started when I had a car accident 14 years ago - someone kindly rammed straight into the back of me whilst I was waiting to do a reverse park during a driving lesson - and since then I've been a regular user to chiropractors, physios, osteopaths and A&E. My spasms have been so bad that in the past I've been stuck on the toilet and Pat had to call the paramedics to get me off; or I've felt pain, blacked out and woke up on the floor to see my daughter lying next to me, asking if I'm OK.

The worst time was at my brother's wedding reception, at the hotel where we were lucky to be staying. I was having 2 hourly baths all through the night to ease the pain, to coincide with the 2 hourly breastfeeding I was doing with my daughter, who was only 4 weeks old at the time. I spent the whole of the reception in barefeet and jeans, trying not to scream whenever I moved, and feeling ridiculously out of place. At one point I had to crawl up the stairs to get to my room so that I could go to the loo - all the while feeling the humiliation while fellow wedding guests watched me - the very strange woman who would take one step at a time before apparently growling and saying, "don't worry, I'm fine!" - before crawling to the next step Another very embarrassing situation with maximum capacity to humiliate me in front of people I'd known for most of my life; and complete strangers.

All of these previous experiences went through my mind, whilst I got the kids to walk to the car, and get into their seats. I managed to get into my seat - and then froze. I could not move. There I was, gripping hold of the steering wheel, saying, "OK, I'm having a bit of trouble, here, kids. I think I might need to get some help." I had no choice but to call for an ambulance. Pat was at work, and there was nobody I knew to take the kids home for me. I phoned him to tell him the good news - that he had the rest of the day off!

Whilst I was waiting, knuckles white as they gripped the steering wheel, I could hear the ambulance sirens. Oooh, great. They're attracting more attention. I thought they were going to send a car as a non urgent case, but no, it was the full-on, bright yellow van, sirens-blaring cavalry.

I was so happy to see them, yet the feeling of humiliation was coming back.
The paramedics were brilliant. They gave me some entonox (gas and air, or laughing gas) which helped and reminded me of all the other times I'd needed it - including when I was in labour with my daughter. The staff at Putlake were brilliant, too - they took the kids back in to play and gave them an ice lolly, to wait until Pat came to pick them up. I went home in the ambulance, feeling very embarrassed and a bit sorry for myself, too.

By 2am, the spasms were getting worse and I couldn't actually lie down, anymore. I phoned the emergency care service, on the advice of the paramedics who'd helped me earlier. The GP I spoke to advised me to have a warm bath whilst I sent Pat on the 40 mile round trip to pick up a diazepam prescription. I explained that he'd been up for 21 hours and, at the time we were talking, it was 3.30 in the morning. By the time he would be back, the kids would be up for the day, and he would have had 3 hours sleep. Her advice was that "...it's possible to go without sleep and function for 48 hours".

Well that's OK then.

In the end a lovely ECP came to see me and gave me the medication I needed, so that by 5am I was able to get back to bed and sleep for a couple of hours. I'm still in lots of pain but I know that this will get better...sometime soon, I hope.
I am very grateful for the emergency and urgent care services, and to Pat, who has helped me do everything as well as look after our children, and go to work on nights. He's a superstar!